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August 2, 2006
GIVE ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR—OR NOT
By Steve Kluger
With advocacy groups and state courts pushing for new laws to bar same-gender marriage, gay adoption, and civil
unions—even though other nations are opening their doors (and their hearts) to the same issues—the global the-
collar. In fact, the Emperor is stark naked. But that should come as no surprise to anyone who’s been paying
attention.
On Dec. 29, 1940, Franklin D. Roosevelt dubbed America “The Arsenal of Democracy.” And he probably meant
it. After all, he was rich, he was popular, his wife did all the grunt work, he’d just been elected to an
unprecedented third term, and the Republicans detested him. What could be more democratic than that?
On the other hand, it might have been a second martini talking.
Click for Full Article
GIVE ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR—OR NOT
By Steve Kluger
With advocacy groups and state courts pushing for new laws to bar same-gender marriage, gay adoption, and civil
unions—even though other nations are opening their doors (and their hearts) to the same issues—the global the-
collar. In fact, the Emperor is stark naked. But that should come as no surprise to anyone who’s been paying
attention.
On Dec. 29, 1940, Franklin D. Roosevelt dubbed America “The Arsenal of Democracy.” And he probably meant
it. After all, he was rich, he was popular, his wife did all the grunt work, he’d just been elected to an
unprecedented third term, and the Republicans detested him. What could be more democratic than that?
On the other hand, it might have been a second martini talking.
Click for Full Article
February 15, 2006
THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE—FOR NOW
By Steve Kluger
When Butch and Sundance did it, they were called bandits. When transportation carriers and Internet
providers do it, they're called Fortune 500.
The airlines recently announced that in an effort to meet rising fuel costs, they will soon begin charging for
amenities that we have long since taken for granted. At present, these “luxuries” include checked baggage, extra
leg room, Diet Cokes and pillows (which, presumably, will continue to resemble rice paper envelopes stuffed with
shredded wheat)—with carry-on baggage, aisle seats, window seats and advance seat assignments predicted to
follow.
Click for Full Article
THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE—FOR NOW
By Steve Kluger
When Butch and Sundance did it, they were called bandits. When transportation carriers and Internet
providers do it, they're called Fortune 500.
The airlines recently announced that in an effort to meet rising fuel costs, they will soon begin charging for
amenities that we have long since taken for granted. At present, these “luxuries” include checked baggage, extra
leg room, Diet Cokes and pillows (which, presumably, will continue to resemble rice paper envelopes stuffed with
shredded wheat)—with carry-on baggage, aisle seats, window seats and advance seat assignments predicted to
follow.
Click for Full Article
October 26, 2005
THE CURSE OF THE BLACK SOX
By Steve Kluger
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the Red Sox were cursed when owner Harry Frazee sold Babe Ruth to the New York
Yankees, and the Cubs met the same fate when an overzealous ticket-taker offended somebody’s goat.
But let's not forget that in 1920, seven crooked members of the Chicago White Sox and one railroaded third
baseman—soon to be nicknamed the infamous Black Sox—were indicted by a grand jury for throwing the 1919
Fall Classic to the Cincinnati Reds. Chicago's Sox, too, have remained in the World Series toilet ever since.
Click for Full Article
THE CURSE OF THE BLACK SOX
By Steve Kluger
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the Red Sox were cursed when owner Harry Frazee sold Babe Ruth to the New York
Yankees, and the Cubs met the same fate when an overzealous ticket-taker offended somebody’s goat.
But let's not forget that in 1920, seven crooked members of the Chicago White Sox and one railroaded third
baseman—soon to be nicknamed the infamous Black Sox—were indicted by a grand jury for throwing the 1919
Fall Classic to the Cincinnati Reds. Chicago's Sox, too, have remained in the World Series toilet ever since.
Click for Full Article
October 11, 2004
WASHINGTON'S SENATORS: BASEBALL AS IT SHOULD BE
By Steve Kluger
In 1955, a quartet of ballplayers with names like Smokey and Sohovik and Rocky and Van Buren faced a standing-
room-only crowd of cheering fans and gave America one of its most enduring anthems.
No, it wasn't an All-Star Game and the players weren't even real. The occasion was the opening night of Damn
Yankees, and the song—"You've Gotta Have Heart"—landed the way it did because the team singing it was pro
baseball's Washington Senators.
For the pure in spirit who remember when God was in His heaven and Mickey Mantle ruled everything else, the
announcement that Major League Baseball would be returning to Washington for the first time in 33 years was the
nostalgic equivalent to five sevens across the center line. Jackpot.
Click for Full Article
WASHINGTON'S SENATORS: BASEBALL AS IT SHOULD BE
By Steve Kluger
In 1955, a quartet of ballplayers with names like Smokey and Sohovik and Rocky and Van Buren faced a standing-
room-only crowd of cheering fans and gave America one of its most enduring anthems.
No, it wasn't an All-Star Game and the players weren't even real. The occasion was the opening night of Damn
Yankees, and the song—"You've Gotta Have Heart"—landed the way it did because the team singing it was pro
baseball's Washington Senators.
For the pure in spirit who remember when God was in His heaven and Mickey Mantle ruled everything else, the
announcement that Major League Baseball would be returning to Washington for the first time in 33 years was the
nostalgic equivalent to five sevens across the center line. Jackpot.
Click for Full Article
October 11, 2006
FOLEY FADE-OUT
By Steve Kluger
Thirty years ago this January, former singer, beauty queen, and human being Anita Bryant sat before Florida’s
ordinance that prohibited discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.
“Homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children,” she warned. With
those few words, we lost our brand new civil rights—and it took us 20 years to get them back. What we really
needed was somebody in the Sunshine State who was on our side.
Enter Mark Foley instead.
Theoretically, it’s always easy to spot the politician whose mailing address is the closet—he’s usually the one
who's gleefully foaming over the most Draconian of anti-gay measures at the same time he’s supporting, say, a
jockstrap fetish, an itch to hang around truck stops, or a Calvin Klein model he’s got stashed in a secret Brazilian
love nest. (God, we’re hoping that Rick Santorum doesn’t fall into this category. He already dresses like Faye
Dunaway.)
Click for Full Article
FOLEY FADE-OUT
By Steve Kluger
Thirty years ago this January, former singer, beauty queen, and human being Anita Bryant sat before Florida’s
ordinance that prohibited discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.
“Homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children,” she warned. With
those few words, we lost our brand new civil rights—and it took us 20 years to get them back. What we really
needed was somebody in the Sunshine State who was on our side.
Enter Mark Foley instead.
Theoretically, it’s always easy to spot the politician whose mailing address is the closet—he’s usually the one
who's gleefully foaming over the most Draconian of anti-gay measures at the same time he’s supporting, say, a
jockstrap fetish, an itch to hang around truck stops, or a Calvin Klein model he’s got stashed in a secret Brazilian
love nest. (God, we’re hoping that Rick Santorum doesn’t fall into this category. He already dresses like Faye
Dunaway.)
Click for Full Article
.
April 26, 2007
FIELD OF DREAM$
By Steve Kluger
When I first became an uncle, I knew instinctively that it was going to be up to me to educate my nieces and nephews
on some of the more fundamental essentials that are inexplicably overlooked by most parents. They grew up
wearing Red Sox bibs and onesies as infants, Red Sox t-shirts as toddlers, and Red Sox caps as kids. Six-year-old
Noah’s had an alarmingly accurate fastball since he was one and a half, and Emily, at nine, can pull off an uncanny
impersonation of Sox slugger Carlton Fisk’s legendary World Series home run in 1975. So aside from Noah’s
disappointment in discovering that the Green Monster doesn’t have teeth—an assessment not shared by a number
of American League batters—they’ve been well-prepared for their first trip to Fenway Park with Uncle Stevie this
And then tickets went on sale for the season....
Click for Full Article
FIELD OF DREAM$
By Steve Kluger
When I first became an uncle, I knew instinctively that it was going to be up to me to educate my nieces and nephews
on some of the more fundamental essentials that are inexplicably overlooked by most parents. They grew up
wearing Red Sox bibs and onesies as infants, Red Sox t-shirts as toddlers, and Red Sox caps as kids. Six-year-old
Noah’s had an alarmingly accurate fastball since he was one and a half, and Emily, at nine, can pull off an uncanny
impersonation of Sox slugger Carlton Fisk’s legendary World Series home run in 1975. So aside from Noah’s
disappointment in discovering that the Green Monster doesn’t have teeth—an assessment not shared by a number
of American League batters—they’ve been well-prepared for their first trip to Fenway Park with Uncle Stevie this
And then tickets went on sale for the season....
Click for Full Article
| . |
THE AGING OF AQUARIUS
A reminder from the Woodstock generation that "boomer" isn't a four-letter word
By Steve Kluger
Forty years ago this weekend, half a million intrepid Baby Boomers converged on Max Yasgur's dairy farm in Bethel,
New York, to celebrate our youth, our music, and our unwavering conviction that we'd begun making
our world a better place in which to live. After watching our heroes die in Dallas, Memphis, and Los Angeles, we'd
brought college campuses to a halt when we stood up and asked, "Why?" We marched as a single body
for the rights of African Americans, women, and our gay brothers and sisters, regardless of our own race, gender, or
orientation. We forced a war-mongering Chief Executive to forgo his bid for a second term, we took on the brutality
of the entire Chicago police force during the 1968 Democratic Convention, and we invented--off the tops of our
heads--a back-to-the-earth movement long before anyone had ever heard of
global warming.
Click for Full Article